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I recently got an email from someone who asked a question about playing "hard to get" with a woman. I thought it was an interesting topic, so I thought I'd do a write-up on it.
See, I think there's a difference between "playing hard to get" and coming off as "unavailable." Many guys often mistake the two. It's easy to get confused about the right way to do this and the wrong way. You see, it's all dependant on how well you've attracted the girl. If the girl you're after could care less about whether she sees you or not, then playing hard to get could backfire badly. By the same token, even if the girl likes you and she's attracted, she may be so busy that if you make things hard for her, she won't bother to persue you. If you tell girls things like:
- -you are not availble..
- -you like them as a friend
- -you have a girlfriend
- -saying something like.. "everything is okay... as long as we aren't going to kiss eachother tonight."
You could be communicating that you're not interested, and the girl will simply move on.
You see, "playing hard to get" isn't about "playing hard to get together." You should make it easy for a girl to see you (well, not TOO easy, but you get the idea) . Set a date and see her. Breaking dates is fine every once in a while when you have her on the line, but before you got her, playing these types of games is a sure way to lose her.
You don't play hard to get until you're already WITH a girl, as in, in the same physical space with her, like on a date, or in a bar. This is because the idea of "playing hard to get" is all about sending [ i]mixed signals[ /i].
For instance, let's say you attract a girl, you know she's into you, and you go in to kiss her. Then, suddenly, you push her away and ignor her for a little bit (playfully mind you, not violently). That's playing hard to get.
Going in for the kiss and going through with it may get you a kiss, but it may mean the girl doesn't let it go any further than that because she knows she's got you.
Not keeping the tension up after you push her away may communicate that you aren't interested in her and she's gonna move on.
Playing hard to get is about consistent push-pull. I've seen Swinggcat do this very skillfully with women.
It's about creating sexual tension, but drawing it out as long as possible so the woman is actively reaching and wanting you. It's a hard tightrope to walk, but if you're able to do it successfully, it can be quite powerful.
Think of it as extended foreplay. Being hard to get makes her "work" for your affections, and people always value something they have to work for more than something that's freely given to them.
See the difference?
Keep in mind, it's hard to play "hard to get" if the girl doesn't want you in the first place, so you gotta do the work and get her attracted to you BEFORE you start pulling stunts like this.
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