JHunt: I was talking on the phone to a friend of 2 yrs. I started trying to change my thinking patterns and image to her. She says she has noticed my new "attitude". Anyway, when Eliciting values, I tried...
Me:Why do you date who you date, I mean, What is your Idea of the perfect guy?
Her:I dunno, EX's name.
M:How did he make you feel?
Me:You didnt feel excited when around him?
H:Only while we were having sex.
You: What excited you the most about the sex?
You: How do you know, when you have X, that it's really good? What does this guy do that gives you X?
You: So when you have X sex and a guy is doing Y, how does it make you feel?
You: So if you have X sex and someone is doing Y, and you're feeling this amazing sense of Z, wouldn't that be a great thing to have. With me, I know that...
Just keep going, find out everything that turns her on, anchor it to yourself, and push those buttons...
>>I had fucked up by this point, but I did go on to tell her vaugly of how I cam make a girl with a great imagination feel wonderful emotional states and such, as we are friends, and it is somewhat odd that she shows up from florida and I am different.
>>My question is, what the hell should I do now? Try to make her feel NORMAL? WTF.
Style: Dude, you didn't fuck up. You stopped too soon!
Adonis: There is a way to get to Values no matter what she gives you... Know the STRUCTURE of the EV model.
1. The Value (Underlying Quality)
2. The Rule (How they know, what they do, what their strategy is, what their PROCESS is)
3. The Interaction between the value and the rule (This is where they go in to STATE... this is where you want to ANCHOR)
If a gal has had a hard time giving me a value, I've simply asked, "So if you could be doing anything in just the way that you want to do it... NOW, what would this be?"
Notice that I am asking for the RULE. Sometimes people will misunderstand what you mean by a value or a quality and they will give you their RULE. Know how to recognize this and be able to go to the underlying value. Notice that Rules are ACTION oriented and often EFFECTS... whereas values and qualities are descriptors and CAUSES.
Once I have a value/quality along with it's rule, I ask for what it would give them to have X quality... where they did Y.
And this is where I anchor. I may even elicit a CONCRETE particular experience to further amplify this state.
Hey, just ask Chris Powles how powerful this is as I demonstrated it and anchored his values to sugar packets over lunch this last Sunday.
Style: And not only did he anchor everything that I cared about to the sugar packets, but then he poured it all into his ice tea and drank it. I was forced to call him a vampire on the spot.
>>BTW, we had an awesome roundtable discussion and lots of fun with Ross Jeffries, Sin (Did I spell that right), CP, Swinggcat and myself.)
>>The waitress and manager did not know what they had gotten themselves into... Ross was an absolute MASTER, Sin combined Natural Skill and Intelligence, Chris was ever coming up with new and even better ways of approaches as he broke down underlying processes of how we do what we do, Swinggcat of course was smooth and hypnotic, and myself... I can't really comment on but for some reason that I'm not entirely sure of, Sin believes I am his counterpart but on the Dark Side... Hey, if he's not Dark then what am I? (Puzzling, since I am the nicest guy you could meet... although at the end of the night I asked Chris if he still thought I was evil... he said, "More than EVER!"
>>We had all kinds of FUN. Which brings me to another point... above all, HAVE FUN with it.
Style: True, we had a lot of fun, saw an amazing demo of Ross's skills (he had a waitress and hostess competing for him within just 5-10 minutes of convo for each), and watched helplessly as Adonis sucked up our values and hijacked anchors on everyone's sarges. Yes, he is nice and lovable and all, but he's dangerous. It's like Mike Myers: he's both Austin Powers and Dr. Evil rolled up in one.
Juggler: Eliciting values is not always a straight forward proposition. Many times you will get crummy answers. This is not because she is stupid or that there are not any deep values. It is just that she may not be used to sharing her feelings in this manner. You need to help her by giving examples and leading a little. If you change a state you need to be prepared to supply the meat of the topic until she gets warmed up. For instance:
You: Why do you date who you date? I mean, what is your idea of the perfect guy?
Her: I dunno, EX's name.
You: How did he make you feel?