seduction base Home           |            Before Pickup            |            Starting Pickup            |            In The Middle Of Pickup            |            The End Of Pickup
Advanced                 |              Field Reports              |                           F.A.Q                                |                    Others

Home > In the Middle > Story-Telling >

How to edit a Story

author:          "Jugglar"
date:             Fri 17 Dec 2003 17:35 GMT
website:       www.charismarts.com
subject:        How to edit a Story ... So I'm carrying it into the kitchen and the door on the thing opens and this glass plate, I didn't realize was there, falls onto the floor ...

>Oh listen to that, I gotta tell you this, you'll never believe what >happened to me the other day.

That is irrelevant. CUT

>I just bought this huge microwave-oven from Argos superstore and

>"man" that thing was heavy.

Emphasize how heavy you found it and cut the rest.

> So when I finally got home and tried to lift the microwave out of the

>box, I didnt realize that that glass-dish those microwaves

>always have was right on top of the micro. So I lifted it up and

>"WAMM"...the glass fell right down on the

>kitchen-floor and splitters everywhere.

Simplify here.

> Now how how you get out of the kitchen when you are barefooted and

>there are tons of splitters everywhere?

Combine that with the following, amp up how you felt about the situation and cut everything else.

>So Im standing there trying to move around those splitters on my

>toes and trying to get out of the kitchen. What a nightmare !

Here is a re-write:

"I just bought this Microwave and it was so heavy. I'm thinking, what's in this thing? I think my arms are still sore. (have girl feel your bicep and then flinch from the pain)

So I'm carrying it into the kitchen and the door on the thing opens and this glass plate, I didn't realize was there, falls onto the floor and into a million pieces.

I'm standing there in my bare feet surrounded by a sea of little shards of glass. Do I climb out the window, do I try to stretch and reach for a broom and then pole-vault out? "



www.seductionbase.com @2009 - The Ultimate Collection Of seduction Opener, Close Routines and Other seduction Tactics