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author: "By Dr Swift"
Here follows an essay that describes how to overcome rejection. It's my personal journey, though I think that it has some new ideas to offer people in terms of the stages of the process. I hope that you will all gain from it.
The following may help some of those struggling kick off their game. Feedback much appreciated
Well to any of you RAFCs out there you've heard us say it before:
'There is no such thing as rejection'
But did you get it? Do you understand how that phrase can be real to you? Or are you still, as I believe many of those just waiting to crack the psychological barrier are, trying to accept what we say while harbouring a secret belief that you're trying to believe a lie.
Well what we are saying is true and I can prove it to you. Lets start with a simple question.
'What is Rejection?'
The answer to this question seems simple: social disapproval and shunning. You get excluded or lose social status within your social group.
'Why do we fear/dislike rejection?'
In evolutionary terms people needed to function as a group to survive. Rejection is a tool of conformation and a psychological force of control of action. It is likely that some genetic factors influence our psychology to make it so pervasive as it is in adult life. However, despite the predisposition to develop it being partially genetic it is ultimately a result of life experiences and social conditioning.
"Is rejection a force in the real world?"
It's controlling you right now isn't it? Perhaps the question we need to ask is more profound.
"Is rejection itself real?"
No. It's entirely in your head so-to-speak. Thats why we can all say 'there is no such thing as rejection' and accept that and the reason you are not yet comfortable with it. Put simply that statement is a statement about the SPEAKER'S reality which makes 100% sense to them. If you feel a conflict with your beliefs about reality it's because you havn't learned how to believe that statment yet. Since it's all in your mind believing there is no rejection is the same thing as there not being any such thing.
"How can I stop feeling rejection?"
Ok, now we're getting profound. There are several approaches. I'd do them all if I were you.
The most fundemental arrises from NLP: Change your beliefs. Create memories that support it. You'll find a lot of hypnosis tracks useful in achieving this. Work on installing an internal locus of control. Not looking to anyone else for approval and other LEADERSHIP qualities (that's right - leaders are people who get the evolutionary exception to the rejection problem -they MUST be willing to make decisions from their own stand point).
Desensitisation - a psychological technique. Basically you're exposing yourself to the situation so often that you learn to disassosiate the feeling of rejection from approaching women. So the answer here is make the plunge. However there is more than one way to desensitise and we will talk about other arrangements which will make it more effective.
Psychological desensitisation is also possible. Imagine situations first. Visualise them, go through with it until you feel comfortable in your mind. You're training yourself slowly out of the problem.
The next stage up is to imagine doing things when you're in the situation you would normally do them get yourself as close to doing them as you can and stay in that state. If you push yourself in that way often enough it may help. However there will come a time when you must stop yourself doing this as this technique can be used as an excuse for not actively desensitising yourself. Don't let this technique be your secret reason for failure. Like all these things they are crutches to get you walking - nothing more.
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