date: Sat 21 March 2002 23:15 GMT
subject: Style's Wheelchair Opener...Okay?.well would you date a BLIND guy...if he was really hot? If he had a guide dog would it piss you off....no way! You love dogs...
Hey guys, would you date a guy in a wheelchair?
Her: "Yes, of course." (Bust on her response.) You're lying... you're pretending to be NICE girls.
If they pause, add "?even if was a really NICE wheelchair?" What if it was a really old wheel chair with a squeaky wheel? You know with bits falling off it. If it was rusty would it come between you both? What if the guy was suddenly cured by Jesus...would you lose interest?
You can keep stacking cocky and funny responses. If the conversation hits a dead end, throw in-
If it was an electric wheel chair would you steal it while he slept......and take it for a joyride? Would you let him roll up and take you for a spin? It would be so much fun....you could go on a mini adventure...
What if he got worse and fell into LIFE SUPPORT...would you stay with him....even if it was a really NICE life support system..! Y'know state of the art...like it even had like...video games on it to keep your interest in case he slipped into a coma for ages?
If she interrupts during sarge: (Cold read) You talk a lot! 'Cos that would be really handy if he was on life support...you could tell him EVERYTHING and he'd never be able to reply! (Transition to another Opener.) "Who lies more...guys or girls?"
If you get any NEGATIVE response from this opener (which will happen because its very non-P.C.) just throw in a mini-cold read: I cant believe you just said that you guys are craaazy. No way that's so dorky! You guys remind me of my little sisters!! (Pointing to target) You are like?the DUKE of DORK!
Hey guys??..would you date DAVID BOWIE if he was in a wheelchair? Sure, he's rich, but the guy's like 60 years old....well get this... (Transition into the David Bowie opener.)
Okay?.well would you date a BLIND guy...if he was really hot? If he had a guide dog would it piss you off....no way! You love dogs?! Wouldn't it be bad if you introduced him to your folks and the dog shit on the carpet? If he went out the room would you move the furniture around to confuse him? You could tell him you had magic INVISIBILITY POWERS / You could tell him you had magic NINJA POWERS...and he'd believe you as he'd never see them!!
Okay well would you date a guy with WEBBED FEET?...if he was really hot? What if he could swim really well? Like he had fucking DUCK powers... What if he was an Olympic swimming champion?? What if he went for gold?.but got SILVER......would you stick with him!? What if he had...MONKEY powers? What if he had........DINOSAUR powers--what dinosaur would you be?
Would you date a super-fucking-hot GAY GUY....to make his boyfriend super-Jealous? (Offer arm out in club.) He's just over there (use for social proof)! What if the guy was a movie star? And all the girls thought he was super hot! Guess what! I just found out TOM SELLECK is gay? y'know?MAGNUM P.I.!
What if he was a fucking model.... (Bring in your WING.) This guy is an ASS model.......! I'm a dildo model....! (If the mood's right.) Seriously?this guy is a SUPERSTAR?! (Launch into some funny field tested routine about the two of you.)